Cruise passengers behave badly at theater

Theatre on board

Most cruise ships of any medium to large size will have a twice-nightly show in the ship’s theatre. The theatre capacity is usually up to one thousand passengers and the show is performed twice each night so that the two thousand passengers will have the opportunity to see the show. 

Since the formal evening dinners are normally served with an early, 6.30 pm and a late 8.30 pm sittings it makes sense that the theatre’s shows commence at 8.30 pm and 10.30 pm.  However, on most adult cruises the average passenger age could be 75 and therefore most passengers will want to eat early and see the early show and be tucked up in bed by 10.30 pm. So the pressure for seats at the first show is usually great. You can ask the restaurant manager to put your name down to change to the early sitting but it’s rare that he’ll be contacting you with good news.

For the theatre shows passengers can really aggravate other passengers by the following behaviour:

1.       The woman who holds six seats when the rules clearly state you cannot reserve or hold seats.  She continues to block them as the show starts and despite repeated questions from other seat-less passengers. Finally 10 minutes into the show she relents and releases the seats.

2.       The pair of inebriated loud talking blokes that sit right behind you and fitfully take an interest in what’s going on, on the stage. Their conversation and stupid jokes will drive you round the bend and will drown out the show.

3.       Late arriving passengers who force everyone in your row to stand up so they can get to their seats and then they loudly summon a waiter to place an order and then need to go to the toilet six times during the show.

4.       The guy who has a heart attack and slumps in his seat and stops the show. OK – scratch that one. He couldn’t help himself or could he? Was he poisoned by my murderer or maybe just overindulged on an all expenses cruise? You’ll have to read the book to find out!

Read more about life on board a modern cruise ship in “Murder On Board” (available on pre-order from 5th February 2019). This is my latest novel. The ship left harbour with 2,899 souls for a 50-day cruise but will be returning with significantly less. 

Could it be because the average age of the passengers is 73 and shit happens, old people die? 

Maybe it's because the ship is sailing 1,000 miles up the Amazon River with its precious cargo of geriatric guests placing them in an area of 100% humidity?

Or maybe it's because the Amazon River is home to the Zeka virus and the ship is sailing towards millions of female mosquitoes just waiting to attack its passengers?

Or is it simply because a killer is loose amongst them?  

Cruise laundry issues cause grief

Some cruise lines provide self-service laundries but that in itself just provides some passengers with more chances to misbehave and piss off their fellow holidaymakers. 

How would you feel if someone emptied your soaking wet clothes from the washer mid-cycle so that they can wash their own?  Not happy I’m sure!

How about people who will remove your clothes from the dryer only to replace them with their own clothes?

Or worse still, on doing the above they also end up accidentally taking a few odd socks of yours too!

Laundry run-ins are par for the course for cruises that run over a week in duration and provide the self-service laundry. There is no way to avoid clashes with passengers other than by sitting in the laundry room and guarding your smalls until they are washed and dried.

Well, there is one other avenue for washing clothes whilst on board. Hand wash in your cabin basin and use the small washing line strung across your shower.

Then finally there are the low-lives who deliberately steal your clothes as they are washed and dried and brazenly challenge you to prove your ownership when you catch up with them wearing your outfit to dinner a few nights later!

Do you feel the blood pressure rising? I do!

Read more about life onboard a modern cruise ship in “Murder On Board” (available on pre-order from 5th February 2019). This is my latest novel. The ship left the harbour with 2,899 souls for a 50-day cruise but will be returning with significantly less. 

Could it be because the average age of the passengers is 73 and shit happens, old people die? 

Maybe it's because the ship is sailing 1,000 miles up the Amazon River with its precious cargo of geriatric guests placing them in an area of 100% humidity?

Or maybe it's because the Amazon River is home to the Zeka virus and the ship is sailing towards millions of female mosquitoes just waiting to attack its passengers?

Or is it simply because a killer is loose amongst them?  


Click here for the US Kindle version at $2.58 

Click here for the UK Kindle version £1.99

Click here for the US Paperback version $15.00

Click here for the UK Paperback version £11.58

The only problem with cruises are other passengers

Unlike most forms of holiday, on a cruise holiday, you cannot choose your company. Like it or not you will be spending the whole holiday with the same group of people around you, day and night.  There is no escape from the 70,000-ton metal prison that you have signed up to, to spend the next XX days onboard.  Yes, there are excursions to enjoy and ports to visit but these are shore passes that only last a couple of hours. All too soon you will be walking up the plank and back on board your floating home.

The longer you spend with awkward, antisocial people the greater the chance you will explode and fall out with someone. With a complement of 2,000 people thrown together for any period from a week through to one hundred weeks, there will almost definitely be people who won’t get along with each other.  Remember, the only thing these passengers have in common is the ability to pay for the cruise. However, on the plus side the ships are huge with multiple decks, numerous shops and restaurants and plenty of activities to enjoy come rain or shine. But obviously people arrive with differing expectations and for some the disappointment is acute.

Public Health warning:  There now follows some huge generalisations that the author uses to make broad brush points and he now apologises in advance for any slight inadvertently delivered upon readers.

For example, there are the snobs who hanker after the golden age of cruising enjoyed in the 1950s and 1960s when a select few could afford the luxury of cruises around the Mediterranean or across the Atlantic to the Caribbean islands and the United States. Their holidays are now being shared with working class and middle-class passengers whose roots are in the industrial north of England or the rural swathes of Scotland or the council estates of London’s East End. It often doesn’t fit with the older more seasoned cruisers view of life and looks of disdain can be seen at times around the ship accompanied by “Oh really” and “That’s the limit” spoken by those who remembered, first hand, the golden years. Many of the new cruisers are ignoring the formal black and white nights and are using casual wear when dining. The ballroom dance classes are now filled with working-class lads and lasses from Birmingham, Glasgow and Liverpool trampling awkwardly on elderly cultured feet.

  

The quality of food served on the cruise liners is still the equivalent of a stay in a five-star hotel, in my humble opinion but for some, used to better that simply isn’t good enough.  The absence of caviar and other such expensive delicacies have occurred because the cruise lines widened the passenger base by lowering prices.

Admittedly too, there have been cutbacks in the quality of certain items, for example, the “Meet the ship’s captain” evening used to be celebrated with free glasses of champagne. That has now been downgraded to Prosecco.

. 

I was enjoying Burns Night on a P&O ship when an experienced cruiser remarked that in previous years the ship provided a toast of Scottish whiskey, free to every diner. Sadly that was no more. “Thin end of the wedge,” he remarked as he recalled better times.

Look, if the price wasn’t right I wouldn’t be cruising so the inclusive approach of modern cruise lines to make bigger ships which equals cheaper cruises works for me every time.

Read more about life on board a modern cruise ship in “Murder On Board” (available on pre-order from 5^th February 2019). This is my latest novel. The ship left harbour with 2,899 souls for a 50-day cruise but will be returning with significantly less. 

Could it be because the average age of the passengers is 73 and shit happens, old people die? 

Maybe it's because the ship is sailing 1,000 miles up the Amazon River with its precious cargo of geriatric guests placing them in an area of 100% humidity?

Or maybe it's because the Amazon River is home to the Zeka virus and the ship is sailing towards millions of female mosquitoes just waiting to attack its passengers?

Or is it simply because a killer is loose amongst them?