Cruise passengers behave badly at theater

Theatre on board

Most cruise ships of any medium to large size will have a twice-nightly show in the ship’s theatre. The theatre capacity is usually up to one thousand passengers and the show is performed twice each night so that the two thousand passengers will have the opportunity to see the show. 

Since the formal evening dinners are normally served with an early, 6.30 pm and a late 8.30 pm sittings it makes sense that the theatre’s shows commence at 8.30 pm and 10.30 pm.  However, on most adult cruises the average passenger age could be 75 and therefore most passengers will want to eat early and see the early show and be tucked up in bed by 10.30 pm. So the pressure for seats at the first show is usually great. You can ask the restaurant manager to put your name down to change to the early sitting but it’s rare that he’ll be contacting you with good news.

For the theatre shows passengers can really aggravate other passengers by the following behaviour:

1.       The woman who holds six seats when the rules clearly state you cannot reserve or hold seats.  She continues to block them as the show starts and despite repeated questions from other seat-less passengers. Finally 10 minutes into the show she relents and releases the seats.

2.       The pair of inebriated loud talking blokes that sit right behind you and fitfully take an interest in what’s going on, on the stage. Their conversation and stupid jokes will drive you round the bend and will drown out the show.

3.       Late arriving passengers who force everyone in your row to stand up so they can get to their seats and then they loudly summon a waiter to place an order and then need to go to the toilet six times during the show.

4.       The guy who has a heart attack and slumps in his seat and stops the show. OK – scratch that one. He couldn’t help himself or could he? Was he poisoned by my murderer or maybe just overindulged on an all expenses cruise? You’ll have to read the book to find out!

Read more about life on board a modern cruise ship in “Murder On Board” (available on pre-order from 5th February 2019). This is my latest novel. The ship left harbour with 2,899 souls for a 50-day cruise but will be returning with significantly less. 

Could it be because the average age of the passengers is 73 and shit happens, old people die? 

Maybe it's because the ship is sailing 1,000 miles up the Amazon River with its precious cargo of geriatric guests placing them in an area of 100% humidity?

Or maybe it's because the Amazon River is home to the Zeka virus and the ship is sailing towards millions of female mosquitoes just waiting to attack its passengers?

Or is it simply because a killer is loose amongst them?