Unlike most forms of holiday, on a cruise holiday, you cannot choose your company. Like it or not you will be spending the whole holiday with the same group of people around you, day and night. There is no escape from the 70,000-ton metal prison that you have signed up to, to spend the next XX days onboard. Yes, there are excursions to enjoy and ports to visit but these are shore passes that only last a couple of hours. All too soon you will be walking up the plank and back on board your floating home.
The longer you spend with awkward, antisocial people the greater the chance you will explode and fall out with someone. With a complement of 2,000 people thrown together for any period from a week through to one hundred weeks, there will almost definitely be people who won’t get along with each other. Remember, the only thing these passengers have in common is the ability to pay for the cruise. However, on the plus side, the ships are huge with multiple decks, numerous shops and restaurants and plenty of activities to enjoy come rain or shine. But obviously people arrive with differing expectations and for some the disappointment is acute.
Public Health warning: There now follows some huge generalisations that the author uses to make broad brush points and he now apologises in advance for any slight inadvertently delivered upon readers.
For example, there are the snobs who hanker after the golden age of cruising enjoyed in the 1950s and 1960s when a select few could afford the luxury of cruises around the Mediterranean or across the Atlantic to the Caribbean islands and the United States. Their holidays are now being shared with working class and middle-class passengers whose roots are in the industrial north of England or the rural swathes of Scotland or the council estates of London’s East End. It often doesn’t fit with the older more seasoned cruisers view of life and looks of disdain can be seen at times around the ship accompanied by “Oh really” and “That’s the limit” spoken by those who remembered, first hand, the golden years. Many of the new cruisers are ignoring the formal black and white nights and are using casual wear when dining. The ballroom dance classes are now filled with working-class lads and lasses from Birmingham, Glasgow and Liverpool trampling awkwardly on elderly cultured feet.
The quality of food served on the cruise liners is still the equivalent of a stay in a five-star hotel, in my humble opinion but for some, used to better that simply isn’t good enough. The absence of caviar and other such expensive delicacies have occurred because the cruise lines widened the passenger base by lowering prices.
Admittedly too, there have been cutbacks in the quality of certain items, for example, the “Meet the ship’s captain” evening used to be celebrated with free glasses of champagne. That has now been downgraded to Prosecco.
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I was enjoying Burns Night on a P&O ship when an experienced cruiser remarked that in previous years the ship provided a toast of Scottish whiskey, free to every diner. Sadly that was no more. “Thin end of the wedge,” he remarked as he recalled better times.
Look, if the price wasn’t right I wouldn’t be cruising so the inclusive approach of modern cruise lines to make bigger ships which equals cheaper cruises works for me every time.
Read more about life on board a modern cruise ship in “Murder On Board” released in June 2019. This is my latest novel. The ship left the harbour with 2,899 souls for a 50-day cruise but will be returning with significantly less.
Could it be because the average age of the passengers is 73 and shit happens, old people die?
Maybe it's because the ship is sailing 1,000 miles up the Amazon River with its precious cargo of geriatric guests placing them in an area of 100% humidity?
Or maybe it's because the Amazon River is home to the Zeka virus and the ship is sailing towards millions of female mosquitoes just waiting to attack its passengers?
Or is it simply because a killer is loose amongst them?
Holiday Book to read – “Murder On Board”, is a gripping story of life and
death on board a modern cruise ship. This quirky, humorous tale has garnered 5
star reviews in Goodreads.com already so well worth read.
